Blinded
by Malinear
Summary: Liz's post"Destiny" reflections. (one shot)


**A/N**: The song is "Blinded" by Tara MacLean from her cd Passenger. This story was written around the time of "Destiny" back when I was deep into the Roswell fandom (I mean deep...I met the cast...). It was sort of written to annoy my best friend who is still...years later...a die hard dreamer.

**Dedication**: To my dear zebra girl who says I have taste in my songs and fics…now I just have to figure out if that's good taste…or bad…g

* * *

_There's a fire on the mountain_

_A path through the sea_

_You were blinded by the flames in me

* * *

_

It's May 17th and I'm Liz Parker. Just plain old Liz Parker. I'm not the leader of some far-off alien race who was reincarnated to save my people and all of human kind, nor am I in love with one.

I guess that two days ago, after all of the insanity with Nasedo and Pierce and the alien hunters was over with was when I actually had time to think. And that's when the revelation came to me. I don't love Max Evans. I don't know if I ever truly did, but whatever I did feel has changed and faded.

To say the least, I was surprised by this discovery, but not as much as Max was. I still don't think it's fully clicked with him. Oh well. It's not my problem anymore.

* * *

_There's a broken land I've seen it_

_Here to swallow love_

_I can feel my fingers slipping

* * *

_

"What are you saying, Liz?" Max's brow was creased with a mixture of confusion, hurt, and disbelief. And I noticed that his deep brown eyes no longer affected me the way that they used to.

I took a deep breath to keep from screaming it all out at him. I may not love this man anymore, but I still care for him. He will always be my friend. You can never lose a friendship like ours. "Max, I think you know what I'm saying. Please, just accept this. I don't love you anymore. I have to step away from you…from 'us.' We aren't meant to be."

"Liz, don't say that! It's not true. I love you."

I shook my head. I didn't want to hurt him like this. "No, Max. You don't. Give it time and you'll see. And you know that I'm not your destiny, Tess is."

He flinched at the blonde's name, "I don't love Tess. I never will. You are the only one for me. Liz, you were the reason I managed to survive being held prisoner." He reached for my hand as I tried to turn away. Those hands that I used to tremble at the thought of them touching my skin no longer made me ache.

Before I could stop him, his lips were on my own. It was as though he were trying to make me see that the spark was still there. I think that that kiss only helped prove my point. The fire was gone.

* * *

_Maybe I don't know what love is_

_But it isn't this

* * *

_

So anyway, that's how things ended this morning. I left him again, just like I did two days ago. Only this time I wasn't crying. Maria told me later that he was.

Maria doesn't know what to say about all of this to me. For so long, she listened to me sigh and dream and cry over Max Evans and now everything is back to the way it had been exactly eight months and one day ago - before I was shot. But now, I know the truth about Max and Isabel and Michael. I know far more about reality than a teenager should.

But I don't blame Max for that. I never did. If he hadn't risked their security then I would have been dead. I would have been another body in the ground with mourning parents and friends and a boyfriend who cared about me enough to cry over my death. I know that now too. I didn't know how much Kyle cared until everything started happening with Max. And that's why I value his friendship now.

But I won't abandon my friends despite the change in my relationship with Max. I'll still help them when they need me. I'll keep their secrets. I'll remain friends. But I won't do what my heart no longer wants.

* * *

_There's a truth long forgotten_

_A trust long denied_

_And a child somewhere hungry and crying

* * *

_

"So that's it? You're over with? No more saccharine lovey-dovey stuff?" Maria caught on a lot quicker.

"That's it. I don't know what it was, but two days ago I stepped back because I loved him too much to let him go against his destiny. And then I thought about it and realized that that wasn't why I had done it at all. I stepped back because something had changed in our relationship and I just hadn't realized it. It just wasn't…" I shrugged, unable to find the right word.

"It wasn't real." Maria provided, her voice unusually calm for her. She was being serious with me and I was glad. I knew that she would understand.

"Right. It wasn't real."

* * *

_And maybe I don't know what love is_

_But it isn't this

* * *

_

So I don't love Max, maybe I never did. I'm not really sure. I suppose I'll know one day. I still have my entire life ahead of me. And so does Max. And one day he'll see that I'm right and he'll understand.

Maybe he's not meant to be with Tess either, I don't know. But there is someone out there for him. It's just not me.

* * *

_There's a path through the mountain_

_Fire on the sea_

_You were blinded by the flames in me_


End file.
